About Counseling
Counseling is an extremely valuable experience and can help you in ways that may not be clear if you have never tried it before. I’m going to say a little more about that here, but feel free to reach out to me directly if you have any specific questions.
Most of us long to fill our lives with the things we truly care about. We have relationships with loved ones, a relationship with our work and hobbies, and a relationship with ourselves. At times, we may succeed at achieving connection, alignment, and fulfillment in these areas and feel very much alive and connected, which is a wonderful feeling.
But for most of us (at least for a period of time), the stressors of life cause inevitable conflict in these important areas, which can leave us feeling stuck and disconnected. We can begin to feel as though our circumstances are overwhelming our ability to cope and that despite our best efforts, we are not progressing. This is often a sign that new learning, experiences, perspective, and healing are needed. This is where counseling comes in.
Imagine carving out an hour a week where multiple minds and hearts focus on the specific task of addressing the inner emotional stressors (like anxiety, depression, anger, shame, other emotional turmoil, or addictive behavior) and the external life stressors (like a marital or family conflict, a job conflict, etc.) that are preventing the growth and relief you need. Imagine two minds and hearts framing the concern you need help with, intervening, and being committed to your unique path in life so you can thrive and feel deeper levels of satisfaction and fulfillment. This is essentially what we do in counseling.
For this reason, I consider it to be a very sacred practice. I think that investing in this process is a little like receiving short term relief from what you are going through, all the while chipping away at the longer term goals of protecting and nurturing what are the most precious areas of your life.
I care deeply about seeking to understanding whatever you are going through within the unique context of your life, and doing so with curiosity as opposed to judgment (in fact, this is something I feel very strongly about - I think there are many people who could benefit from counseling who don’t attend because they fear judgment or because they have been judged in the past). Everything makes sense when we approach it with genuine curiosity and compassion.
Good counseling can help you…
decrease and manage difficult emotions
We all feel the difficult feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, and shame. When these emotions are balanced, they are normal and provide us with helpful information about what we want to approach or avoid in life. But, when we constantly feel them intensely, we become self-critical and lose hope. You can use counseling to find emotional balance.
Feel connected and secure in your relationships
Feeling connected and loved for who we are in our relationships is vital to our wellbeing. Individual and couples counseling are both paths to improve interpersonal skills, change problematic relationship dynamics, and more importantly, fortify secure emotional bonds with those you love most.
Process and heal from grief and trauma
Most of us are touched by grief and trauma at some point in our lives. When it is not processed, it can live on inside us and color the way we experience life. Learn to process the emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual underpinnings that prevent you from finding peace.
understand and shift problem behaviors
Problematic behaviors are one aspect of a larger cycle of coping. You can learn to understand the function of your cycle, and develop skills to find a change that works for you (at your own pace). Learn how to use curiosity and compassion to understand both your behavior and the inner judge that fuels the whole process. Real change and healing are possible.
Flow through life transitions
On a biological level, we prefer the safety of predictability, but we live in a world in which we are constantly faced with new information and unexpected changes. You can use counseling to help you clarify a problem you are facing, process ambivalence, and find support during a period of transition and adjustment.
connect to wellness and joy
When we take care of ourselves, we experience more success in our jobs, roles, and relationships. We feel more love and understanding towards ourselves and towards others. Learn to use counseling to learn about yourself, increase feelings of confidence, and improve the quality of your life. Access to feelings of happiness, peace, connectedness and joy.
Counseling Style & Techniques
"That which stands in the way is the way." - Eckhart Tolle
When we work together, you can expect a warm and welcoming environment - one that respects you, guides you to trust your process, and provides you with space and tools to understand and shift the burdens and patterns that have brought you to therapy.
First and foremost, I bring myself, my attention, my care, and my curiosity. I also bring a combination of perspectives and practices I have learned about emotional healing, behavioral change, processing grief and loss, trauma resolution, navigating life changes, relationship repair, and self-development.
There is no secret trick, magic pill, or short-term “fix.” Healing and transformation (both within ourselves and our relationships) occur when we approach what we are going through with openness and curiosity as opposed to judgment and force.
For those who are familiar with therapeutic lingo, my approach blends insight-oriented approaches (humanistic, attachment-based, mindfulness, EFT, and IFS work) with invitations to take action that serve you and your relationships.
What do some of these terms and therapies really mean?
Humanistic - a humanistic approach essentially means that I see you first and foremost as a human being. You will never be identified as a diagnoses nor will you be pathologized. Every person has strengths and struggles, and we often get lost in judge ourselves and over-identifying with our struggles. Hear me: We were not meant to come into this world, face periods of painful stuckness, and manage this status for the rest of our days. If, instead, we seek to understand our struggles within the context of what we have been through - they always make sense. Understanding ourselves is a pre-requisite for healing - and it simply can’t happen through the lens of shame and self-hatred. We need to treat ourselves like humans whose birthright it is to be loved, understood, and healed - and in order to do that, we often need someone to authentically model this for us. This is the gift of a humanistic perspective.
Trauma-focused - This term means that I view what brings you to counseling as being the result of the series of experiences that have molded you into the unique person you are, struggles and all. Where pathologizing therapy asks “what is wrong with you?” (a downright horrible belief), trauma-focused therapy asks “what have you been through that has caused you to experience this suffering, this pattern that you feel stuck in right now?” The intention here is not to paint as a victim, but to help you own both the ways you have been loved into being and the ways you have been blindsided and shamed - we need to own both if we are to truly come into ourselves. Trauma-focused also means I have sought training in trauma-based interventions that help us get unstuck.
Attachment-based - Therapy that is based in attachment theory helps us become self-aware of the patterned way we relate to other human beings, as well as guides us to understand where these patterns originated. Perhaps the best way to describe attachment theory is to call it “a theory of love” (this is what the original theorists would have called it, but the name was judged not to be “serious” enough). What does it mean that I base my therapy in a theory of love? It means that I will perceive what you are struggling with through the lens of “this is how I cope when I feel separate from unconditional acceptance, understanding, and love.” Attachment-based also connects to the practice of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT - see below) and the field of Dr. Dan Siegel’s interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB), which provide us with understanding and technique as how to intervene.
Mindfulness - Mindfulness is a practice that helps us become non-judgmentally aware of the thoughts, emotions, and physical feelings that we carry in our bodies. Practices that are rooted in mindfulness are the first steps we can take towards self-awareness of how our external lives trigger something within us that causes us to suffer. Mindfulness is counterintuitive for us as humans - it invites us to “be with” what is occurring inside of ourselves so we can effectively process and release it (this stands opposed to our typical pattern of fighting or avoiding our internal states, which always make them stronger). If you are familiar with mindfulness, the teachers whose practices I often borrow from are: Thich Nhat Hahn, Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, and Pema Chodron.
Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) - this therapy was my first love in the context of therapy. It is a model that perceives humans as being composed of many different parts (think to yourself - a part of me wants to go out to dinner whereas another part of me wants to stay home). These parts, when harmonious - enrich our lives. But when we go through difficult life experiences, they take on burdens and become extreme, and this leads to suffering. IFS holds that we all have a “Self” that we can tap into - this is the aspect of us that feels compassion, courage, calmness, and connection (among other positive qualities) when we witness human suffering. IFS therapy is a journey that guides us to uncover our Self-energy and bring that aspect of us to our extreme parts so we can understand them and help them heal. It teaches is to “lead” our lives from our Self. On one level, IFS can help us get to know a part of us so we can understand ourselves much better. On another level, IFS can help us release painful burdens (emotional pain and beliefs that do not serve us) that we have carried with us for a very long time. This therapy can get “to the root” of our suffering.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - EFT is primarily a couples counseling practice, though it is also used in individual therapy (EFIT). EFT is based in attachment theory. It holds that at our core, we humans long to love, be loved, connect, and bond. We are healthiest (literally healthiest - this is scientifically based) when we are securely bonded to another. When we feel separate, disconnected, and insecurely attached, we cope in patterned ways that drive us further from connection and further towards whatever form of dis-ease we are vulnerable to. EFT is a framework that can help us become become aware of these negative patterns as well as guide us in bonding conversations that help us take steps towards emotional and relational healing.